If you use Facebook, you’re likely familiar with the status update. It is a sliver of real estate on the profile where you declare to the world what you’re up at any given minute. The one-liner above is what I just typed into mine.

Well, it started pouring in D.C. 30 minutes ago, and I find myself missing home terribly.

I used to peer out my window as a little boy growing up in Singapore, watching the fierce Sumatran rains sweep through my town, often slamming doors shut and blowing trees down.

I always felt safe resting my chin on the window sill, knowing that I would remain unscathed at the end of the angry storms.

Those were safe times, beautiful times, when I lived under the shelter of my parents’ protection and love.

Today, I brave the elements.

What would I give just to go back in time for a moment, to find my way back to that window sill in my bedroom and feel safe again.

This photo is nothing short of amazing.

A year ago, on my drive from Dallas to D.C. , I found a state park in the mountains of Virginia. I even found the perfect river to go tubing in. It felt like an oasis after 2 weeks of driving through dusty roads and endless asphalt.

I remember floating down the river with Josie and telling God that I want to share this beautiful place with my family and friends one day. I can’t recall putting much emotion or weight into that prayer.

Well, He did listen.

Two weeks ago, I rented a lakeside cabin and convinced my friends and family to make a five-hour drive to my version of heaven on earth. We had an awesome 4 days of relaxation, hiking, kayaking, swimming, tubing, sitting out on the porch, grilling, conversations and playing board games till 4AM.

Picture this: my mom – 65 years old and hiking the woods with me! It was for all of us one of the best Spring breaks we’ve taken in years.

For me, the time away from work, places and people helped set many things in perspective. Projects, relationships and recognition that I wanted so badly somehow paled during those 4 days. I mellowed out a bit and reset my stress levels down to zero again.

I’m thankful for all that. But most of all I’m thankful that this was another example of my God listening to my quiet yearnings and faithfully responding without my even noticing.

(by the way, that’s me on the left with Josie)

Waiting tends to be excruciating for me. If there are news, whether good or bad, I prefer to hear about them right away. I want to know the outcome immediately.

During this season, however, I am learning to wait on God’s timing.

What I want may not always work out the way I want it to, nor will it happen according to my timeline or liking.

Somethings I want so badly that I insist and want with every part of me.

But the truth is, it isn’t in my control…

The pauses, missteps, glitches and detours are allowed for a reason. What appears so perfect on the exterior may not be good for me either. I’m learning to relinquish control to Him and I need to trust Him. He knows what is best. And I will wait. If things are meant to be, they will be.

As an immigrant to this country, it is sometimes easy to forget that I have a huge family of over 40 cousins back home, and to imagine that I am utterly alone.

I have lived in America for almost 15 years and have made many good friends.

I appreciate them all. But the reality of being alone in a foreign land often hits me during the holidays – when my friends return to their own families – and even on the weekends and moments of disappointment.

I bought mom a bunch of roses this morning for Mother’s Day, and she gave me a hug. It was nice… atypical of her as Asian mothers do not give hugs. But in that gesture she reminded me that I am her son and that we are connected.

I have to remember that no matter where God has allowed me to live, He has blessed me with a godly mother who took her vocation seriously.

To all you mothers and soon-to-be mothers, Happy Mother’s Day!

She wakes up before I do, and every morning as I hear her bustling around in my little kitchen, fixing breakfast, I’m filled with gratitude to God for blessing me with a mother and these precious months that we have together.

Dad left our family when I was 15, and mom has been our strong tower since. She is small in stature, yet such amazing person.

I love watching her sit on the edge of the bed every morning as she wrestles with God in prayer – her eyes closed tight in concentration as she pounds her little fists in the air, giving to God her petitions with an unwavering trust that He listens and takes her seriously.

I also find the sounds of Mom’s morning rituals oddly comforting – they take me back to a simpler time, when all I had to deal with was my 10PM curfew, homework and the horrible breakfast of half-boiled eggs she forced on me daily before the schoolbus picked me up. Food, clothing, shelter was provided and I came home everyday to unconditional love. Some mornings as I lay in bed, I imagine I were back there in time.

If my posts are few and intermittent – please bear with me. I’ll be back soon enough. In the meantime, I’ll be busy enjoying mom’s company and home-cooked meals. Hope you are doing well!

1 Peter 1:23-26

All flesh is as grass,
And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.

The grass withers,
And its flower falls away,
But the word of the LORD endures forever.

As the happy receptionist lady at my office building says: Happy Friday!

Listening to Fernando Ortega’s “Sing To Jesus” tonight I am once again struck by the love of Christ who chose to die in my place.

The lyrics of this song brought me to a place of tears and gratitude, reminding me that Jesus – God of the Universe – once hung on the Cross and took upon Himself such intense pain and anguish so that none should perish but that ALL should have life and hope for eternity.

The Cross is a story of Jesus’ love and determination, and His stubborn refusal to allow my wretchedness to damn me to hell.

Such love I cannot comprehend. But it compels me to make the reality of His sacrifice my focus so that I may be changed in little and big ways, every day.

————————–
Sing to Jesus by Fernando Ortega

Come and see, look on this mystery
The Lord of the Universe, nailed to a tree
Christ our God, spilling His Holy blood
Bowing in anguish, His sacred head

Sing to Jesus, Lord of our shame
Lord of our sinful hearts.
He is our great Redeemer.
Sing to Jesus, Honor His name.
Sing of His faithfulness, pouring His life out unto death

Come you weary and He will give you rest
Come you who mourn, lay on His breast
Christ who died, risen in Paradise
Giver of mercy, Giver of Life

Sing to Jesus His is the throne
Now and forever,
He is the King of Heaven.
Sing to Jesus, we are His own.
Now and forever sing for the love our God has shown.

Sing to Jesus, Lord of our shame
Lord of our sinful hearts.
He is our great Redeemer.
Sing to Jesus, Honor His name.

Sing to Jesus His is the throne
Now and forever,
He is the King of Heaven.
Sing to Jesus, we are His own.
Now and forever sing for the love our God has shown.

But she sent me gifts – a pretty scrapbook with pictures of Josie she found on my website, decorated with stickers and paper confetti; two Halloweens ago – a silly reindeer’s antlers for dogs; on Josie’s birthday – a printed lithograph of a Giant Schnauzer, a breed we both loved; and every year – pretty Christmas cards, carefully signed, “Diane, Claire, Beth Anne and Nina.”

Her’s was the only name in the signature line that belonged to a human. The rest were her Schnauzers – her faithful companions that kept her company during those lonely hours.

Diane was a grandmother – that I knew for sure. Her husband had died a few years ago, but she continued to use his email address to correspond. I was one of 12 members on her Giant Schnauzer Yahoo Group that she started a few years ago as a break away from another group that became increasingly negative.

Her intention was to create a group where members could offer mutual support, trade tips on how to raise our dogs and get to each other. And all that we did. She often referred to herself as our “second Mom,” and her expressions of care were welcomed and appreciated. It was a fun group, and I looked forward to reading updates and sneaking short breaks at work.

Over the past few years, the members got to know each other well. As I look back at the archives, I revisit threads of genuine concern during the various busy hurricane seasons. When our dogs got sick, we checked in, sometimes even made phone calls to find out if they’re ok.

I once spoke to Diane on the phone, and she came across as a warm southern lady with good old common sense.

There was no doubt that Diane ran the group. She asserted her personality and came across as a strong, independently wealthy, generous, compassionate and – through emails generously peppered with exclamations and colorful fonts – upbeat.

Nothing revealed the fact she battled depression and intense back pain that had put her on her back for weeks. She certainly didn’t share with us that she was taking Oxycontin, and very high doses of the drug. No one in our group had any clue.

The pieces are now starting to come together. But very slowly.

Laura flew out to Florida last Friday to take custody of the three dogs. Diane had left a note entrusting her companions to Laura and Mike. Laura is a fellow member on the Yahoo Group. When the animal control of Tamarac, Florida called her and Mike’s home in California late last Thursday, she immediately posted a note for the rest of us and was on the first plane headed East…

It has only been 4 days since Diane took her life, and I’m still processing what just happened. And as the pieces of her life come together through updates from Laura and conversations, we are all starting to realize that we may not have known Diane as well as we thought we did.

We now know that Diane’s last few months have been plagued with financial difficulty – with a car repossessed and electricity turned off two weeks ago. And the periods of online silence when she “went to meet old college friends in Europe” may have been spent sitting in the confines of her home, in darkness, pain and despair.

The Group members and I are still not sure why she felt the need to put on a facade of perfection. I wish I had read between the lines. And I wish I had shared with her the glorious hope that Jesus puts in my heart to get me through tough days.

I’m praying for strength to understand and process what happened. I know the Lord wasn’t blindsighted. He allowed it to happen for a reason. And I thank God for family and for giving me hope that sustains me from day to day.

Ephesians 1:18-20

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms…

———————————————————————————————————-

Update from Laura in Florida: Nina – Diane’s two year old puppy – has been hospitalized and is in critical condition. Laura suspects the stress and lack of care over the past few weeks are taking their toll. Nina is still on IV fluids and is refusing food. We are hoping she will pull through. At this time, the hospitalization bill is over $5,000 and mounting, and Laura and Mike have footed a good part of the bill. If you are able to help, please contact the animal hospital directly. They are aware of the situation. Here’s more info:

Karen Stavino, Hospital Administrator
Coral Springs Animal Hospital
1730 University Drive
Coral Springs, FL 33071
(954) 753-1800 Extension 6003

Here’s a photo of little Nina who is struggling to stay alive.

If you need encouragement today, here’s “Everything in Its Time” to remind us that God has a reason for it all. Hang in there… it will work out in the end.

——————————————————————————————
Corrinne May – Everything In Its time

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long til my hunger is fed
They say it’s hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like that I’m two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I’m stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign

’cause maybe there’s another plan
One I still cant see
A little surprise, like your love in your life
Funny how time changes how we see

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to the patience and watch for the sign

Everything in its time
Everything in its time